Aug 6, 2014

Living in the Future

I am a planner. It is just built into by DNA that as soon as I have an idea about a trip, or know the smallest tidbit of information about something, I start looking into it and planning.

Whatever part of me that houses this desire/need to plan has been going in panic mode the past few weeks and at this rate will not be letting up anytime soon. Justin is entering his final year of the PhD program and this is the time of year that jobs are being posted for the next academic year (2015 - 2016). That planner part of me is feeling very unsettled as we enter into this season of job searching and uncertainty for our future.

Because of this, I feel as though I have been living in the future. I am so consumed by questions...

Will Justin be able to find a job?  Will I be able to find a job?
Where will we be next year? Are we leaving Waco?
Will we be able to buy a house? Will we even be able to afford a house?

The list goes on and on...

I feel as though the last few weeks have been absorbed in these thoughts and fears. Though I have enjoyed my last few weeks of summer, these fears have been a constant cloud over every conversation and experience.I do not want to waste away this last year here in Waco (if it is our last year) with fears of the future. I want to enjoy this time with friends and family.

Justin and I experienced a similar time of uncertainty when he was applying for PhD programs. Before Baylor called with an offer we though we were moving to Europe, to the point where we were selling our furniture and preparing Darcy to travel to England (which is a 6 month process). During that time, I spent a lot of time in prayer. It did not hurt that I spend a good amount of time each afternoon in silence, rocking a baby (I was a nanny at the time) to sleep with a bottle. My faith walk is quite a bit different today than it was 4 years ago, and possibly not for the better to be quite honest, but one verse I hold to during these times of uncertainty and fear is Jeremiah 29:11.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  

It feels cliche to quote this well known verse, but it truly gives me a sense of peace about what is to come. 


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